Cancel All the Things

As the annus horribilis 2020 draws to a close, the media are full of the usual “year in review” pieces. Australian wildfires, the deaths of Sean Connery and Eddie Van Halen, the murder hornets, the BLM “movement” and civil unrest, the American election, Tiger King, and, of course, the global pandemic and its consequences. People are coming up with the words of the year, people of the year, viral meme of the year, and, for all I know, non-allergenic fabric detergent of the year.

It’s all great fun, but it should all be canceled, because if 2020 taught us anything, it’s that we must cancel all the things.

We must cancel events with more than ten participants.

We must cancel civil war statuary.

We must cancel indoor dining.

We must cancel white privilege.

We must cancel the Olympics.

We must cancel God and capitalism.

We must cancel cultural appropriation.

We must cancel singing and dancing around Christmas trees.

Nah, we must cancel singing and dancing period.

We must cancel outdoor celebrations of the New Year.

We must cancel garden sections of big stores.

We must cancel Homer. (Not that Homer.)

We must cancel the promotion of hard work, individualism, and timeliness.

We must cancel the Senate and the Supreme Court and the Electoral College.

We must cancel mathematics.

We must cancel meat.

We must cancel the police. (Not those Police.)

We must cancel the minks.

We must cancel the internal combustion engine.

We must cancel politically protected speech.

We must cancel the protection of political speech.

We must cancel fireworks.

That barely begins to scratch the surface of things that were canceled (or that people tried to have canceled) this year.

Let’s just hope 2021 isn’t canceled, because if 2020 goes on much longer there won’t be anything left.